How can a manager control his temper?

Which one is more effective: talking or barking?

When it comes to controlling emotions (temper) it is always easier said than done. But it can be trained and it all starts with creating self-awareness about our emotions. Having such awareness specifically denotes the importance of having a high degree of social & emotional intelligence in the discipline of management (the managing of others, whether employees, business relations or random members of our social circles).

We all know the cliché that is not so much a cliché actually but closer to a fact:

you can’t control something you do not know well

&

you cannot manage others if you can’t even manage yourself.

I try to remind myself that emotions can always choose the rational path of calm words (smart & effective communication) instead of deeds and automatic reactions (impulsive communication). But our emotional reactions are naturally faster than our rational considerations. That’s a bio-physiological fact we can’t do much about, but can only tame gradually through training and lots of practice.

If you think about it, you can always TALK about your emotions; how angry, disappointed, misunderstood, tensed, worried or impatient you are about a certain employee’s attitude or performance, instead of BARKING OUT these emotions.

But the problem of emotions control often arises when:

1. We think that our true thought/position in a certain situation can only be fully communicated, understood & respected by others when it is accompanied by emotion.
2. We think that others will only take us seriously when they see our emotions (which can be true by the way depending on your audience and their level of social intelligence)
3. Talking is viewed as a sign of weakness (culturally or group-collectively) and barking as a form of strength (also, culturally or group-collectively).
4. We are not the talking type that releases regularly and timely but the type that bottles up impressions about others until they evolve into powerful untameable emotions that erupt at once like a volcano in the most poorly-timed & destructive manner!

Controlling emotions does not necessarily imply suppressing them, but rather channelling them to reach effective communication. That’s why a face-to-face setting is usually preferred in solving conflicts, with as less external factors as possible influencing the calm & effectiveness of communication.

Communication is best served when conducted in a rational manner based on words and voiced thoughts that describe our emotions clearly & constructively, instead of uncontrolled eruptions that describe our words and thoughts poorly & destructively.

Which one is better a discussion or an argument?

Let’s compare both and find out for ourselves.

A discussion is a communication style of which the outcome is not predefined, while having “mutual understanding” as a pre-determined final goal before entering into it. A discussion is supposed to lead to the best solution of a given problem, a clarification of a misunderstanding or the best valuation of an idea, to mention some random examples.

Such “understanding” is to be reached & accepted by all engaged parties at the end of a discussion, based on healthy communication, proper exchange of ideas, information or opinions and genuine agreement (as opposed to artificial one for the sake of muting “high volumes”). It’s a collective, non-selfish & constructive process by nature (even if no outcome is reached yet).

An argument, on the other hand, is characterised by the “will to win” clearly visible through the show of interruptive emotions. An argument is less effective than a discussion in most cases but can be necessary depending on the counterpart’s openness to having a calm discussion. Having an argument is mostly the result of us being unable to suppress whatever emotion that we have at a given moment of discussing a topic, whether anger, impatience, anxiety, disappointment or sadness etc.

Paradoxically enough, having an argument at such times can be a healthy release of pent-up negativity; one that needs to be out of the way, first, for a calm discussion to take place.

I find arguments to be generally ineffective & counter-productive than discussions because their goal is either:

1. Predefined: when we argue for the sake of arguing (releasing negative energy because we WANT to), OR
2. Non-defined at all, when we argue because that’s all we can do now (releasing negative energy because we CAN’T discuss calmly)

Therefore, enforcing an arguing style of communication is a counter-productive, selfish & unfair form of communication aimed at convincing the other party of one’s points of views, legitimizing the use of irrational communication (shouts, fictitious outrage, refusal of agreement, interruptions, unmeant disagreements, lack of self-reflection, manipulation of facts etc.).

An argument is at its best when it means “a reason given in proof or rebuttal”, only as part of a debate or a discussion and not as a way of communication.

Spoken poetry: If I should have a daughter …

If I should have a daughter…

If I should have a daughter, I would have her listen to this

I would tell her she would never have to fall into the abyss,

That she is loved & worthy, regardless of others might say,

That she’s as cute, smart, funny & beautiful, as is Sarah Kay

And that she can be a more talented poet herself, one day.

So, when she thinks that her life is devoid from a true role-model,

And that the world is beating her down in a harsh & endless struggle,

That she doesn’t know any more who to love, hate, hug, or strangle,

That she could create one in her own fantastic imagination,

A lady freed from cultural dogmas & superficial fascination,

A fairy-tail young lady, more perfect than her life can present,

Confidently happy & content, yet as imperfect as reality can get.

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Sarah Kay: If I should have a daughter …

Spoken Word: The danger of silence

The video speaks for itself; thanks “God” it’s not silent.

Clint Smith: The danger of silence

If you can’t motivate yourself, nobody else will. Do you agree?

Yes, and no.

Self-motivation, when existent, is more powerful than any external motivational factor, yes. It’s no wonder that “self-motivational abilities” are often mentioned as a characteristic trait/habit of the majority of successful people.

Having said this, I also believe that all humans experience some degree of low motivation at some stages of their lives, as a result of continuous hardships, disappointments or “bad luck”, even when they’re putting in their utmost energy and positive hope in it. In such case, the power of external motivation comes in very handy or even necessary. 

Sometimes that inspirational voice in ourselves dies out or is muted down though all kinds of factors and it does no harm in such case to call in the help of external motivators, whether professional or simply existent in our comfort zones; a good friend, a colleague or a family member. 

Tony Robbins: Why we do what we do

Motivation has become an industry of itself, with big names like Anthony Robbins inspiring millions around the world with what often sounds like common sense but nonetheless very powerful to hear repetitively. But also through world-famous platforms like TED Talks featuring people from all backgrounds and colours who share the most inspiring words that we need to hear in order to revive our desire to achieve, flourish or believe in ourselves once again.

Dan Pink: The puzzle of motivation

 

 

What’s the most beautiful name in the world?

Meriana

Passenger – Let Her Go [Official Video]

Passenger – Let Her Go (Lyrics)

Let Her Go – Passenger (Official Video Cover by Jasmine Thompson)

Passenger – Let Her Go (Nicole Cross Official Cover Video)

Let her go – Passenger (Cover by 13 y/o Jannina W)

Birdy – Let Her Go (Passenger) in the Live Lounge

Let It Go/Let Her Go (Frozen/Passenger MASHUP) – Sam Tsui

What is your song of the day?

Avicii – Wake Me Up

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can’t tell where the journey will end
But I know where it starts

They tell me I’m too young to understand
They say I’m caught up in a dream
Well life will pass me by if I don’t open up my eyes
Well that’s fine by me

So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost

So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
I hope I get the chance to travel the world
And I don’t have any plans
I wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life’s a game made for everyone
And love is the prize

So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost

So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost

I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost

 

Dedicated to those who may lose, but are never lost.

What is your song of the day?

Avicii – Hey Brother

Hey brother, there’s an endless road to re-discover.
Hey sister, know the water’s sweet but blood is thicker.
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.

Hey brother, do you still believe in one another?
Hey sister, do you still believe in love, I wonder?
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.

What if I’m far from home?
Oh, brother I will hear you call.
What if I lose it all?
Oh, sister I will help you out!
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.

Hey brother, there’s an endless road to re-discover.
Hey sister, do you still believe in love, I wonder?
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.

What if I’m far from home?
Oh, brother I will hear you call.
What if I lose it all?
Oh, sister I will help you out!
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.

 

Dedicated to RASH-HIM-MUT-MER.

What is The Best Movie Soundtrack of All Times?

Music is music, and songs are songs.

Let music be music and let songs be songs.

Music always speaks for itself and needs no words or lyrics to do the narration, move our emotions, entice our actions or feed our imagination. Many of us seem to overlook the fact that songs have become the modern replacement of poetry in our modern lives, whether we like it or not, whether we think of it as better or worse. My relation with poetry is sporadic & unreliable; mine with music is stable and utterly healthy and rewarding.

We do like “naked music” more than songs & poetry.

And we do think songs are better than poems and prose, that’s why songs are more flourishing than poems and lyrics that are stripped off melody & musicality. We like music more, whether separate, attached, arranged or chaotic. Whether it makes us react in the strange body-movements we call “dance” or leave the reaction to our heart-beats or shivery goosebumps. It is as if words of poetry and prose would be nothing without music. I, say, yes! Prose and poetry would be nothing without music. Songs without instrumental music, would be devoid of beauty!

I like many genres of music, from Rythm & Base to Pop, and from Celtic to African. Yet, of all genres of music, I caught myself a couple of years ago, being strongly (and strangely) attracted to the music behind movies; movie soundtracks.

The moment I’d hear one of them, I’d write the movie title down, type it in or rush to my PC and consult the God-sent music encyclopaedia called YouTube for a “quick fix”.

James Horner, Buck Sanders, Michael Giacchino, Marco Beltrami & Hans Zimmer.

I woke up to the shocking realization that I may be an admirer of “modern classic music”, and that I don’t mind whatever the “stigma” it carries at all. I blame the likes of Hans Zimmer and James Horner, for inflicting such a wonderful addiction upon me. I claim no sophistication of music taste, rather a confusingly wide variation of it; I only got to know them through their movie soundtracks for the likes of Titanic, Troy, A Beautiful Mind, Avatar, Lord of War, Holiday, Sherlock Holmes and many others.

I consider them, with other movie music composers, to be the crème de la crème of all music makers in our time.

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Top-5 YouTube Covers of The Best Movie Sound Track of All Times

My all times spirit-uplifting, relaxing, energizing favourite is the main theme of the wonderful movie Pirates of the Caribbean. I have great admiration for Johnny Depp (especially), Keira Nightley and Orlando Bloom as performers. But, in my opinion, Pirates of the Caribbean’s success as a movie is at least 50% attributable to its great movie music work. Take the music out, and you take $500.000.000 box office revenues away. (Try to mute the music during the most exciting, most expensive action scenes and see for yourself)

Here is a collection of my top-5 best covers that have been made on YouTube:

Enjoy!

1. He’s a Pirate (Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean Theme) Violin – Taylor Davis

2. Jarrod Radnich – Virtuosic Piano Solo – Pirates of the Caribbean

3. Pirates of the Caribbean [Main Theme] by hemo

4. Pirates of the Caribbean – Up is Down (cover)

5. New Pirates of the Caribbean Suite – Klaus Badelt

If you’re given a chance to choose a career for a lifetime what would it be and why?

A professional footballer! Preferably, a famous & successful one!

Allow me to elaborate on my silly fantasy & non-fading youth dream.

If I were to become a successful professional footballer, a few far years ago, like the ones displayed above, I would have ruled the world. I would have done what I do best and like most while having the prospect of future financial stability and even a bit more than that (just a bit).

Like the “usual stuff”, owning my own house, car and having a solid study private fund for the education of my children (assuming I won’t be affluent enough to start an own university). But the prospect of leading a “mediocre but stable” life, was fiercely encouraged by my caring environment (you know, like yours).

Lionel Messi

Let alone the other “benign side effects” that come with professional football careers, like having good health and a perfect condition. I would also undoubtedly have had enough free time to exercise other hobby’s and even make a second career out of them like becoming a book author, or owning a record label that makes only my albums, listened to only by my family.

I would have travelled the world and learned at least 5 languages at a decent level. And off course, I would have also started my own business to unleash my entrepreneurial energy and creativity into something brilliant, useful or new. I would have started a number of non-profit organizations aimed at alleviating poverty, advancing free education or improving health conditions of the unprivileged ones among us.

If I were to become a professional footballer, I would’ve had the chance to meet  likes of Maradona, Pele, Zidane, Ronaldo (the only one) and Messi. I may have even been able to meet politicians and world and business leaders. I wouldn’t have minded the 30 seconds of fame bestowed upon me, featuring me endorsing a famous sport brand; not at all! I would’ve done it for free!

Clarence Seedrof

But I also would have had the honour of meeting the likes of Clarence Seedrof, the all time best Dutch player in achievements, who built a stadium in his native-country Suriname and many other non-profit initiatives across his homeland. Or Nigel de Jong, the other Dutch player, who transformed his addiction to sport-cars into a flourishing second-career business, catering for, among others, the UAE high-affluence exclusive cars market.

 

George Weah @ AC Milan

The “worst case scenario” would’ve been achieving what Geroge Weah has achieved through professional football. The famous Liberian football player who only peaked after 29, playing for PSG in France and later AC Milan in Italy, winning the first European Best Player award for a non-European, in 1995, next to becoming FIFA’s World Player of the World.

George Weah, a degree holder in Management.

The same football player crowned his career by his pursuit of a degree at a university in Miami, USA, after his marginal defeat in the national election of Liberia to Mrs. Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, who had what he did not have back then, a degree. The former professional footballer turned active politician and country leader, earned a Masters degree in Management from Devry University in Miami in 2013.

 

George Weah’s Election Loss

I guess if you can become a professional football player nowadays, you truly can become anyone and achieve anything.  All you have to to do is to start kicking a ball at a younger age, aiming at… some goal!

I should have become one and pursued my very first true passion, shouldn’t I?

Is it too late?