angry-boss-firing-woman

How can a manager control his temper?

Which one is more effective: talking or barking?

angry-boss-firing-woman

When it comes to controlling emotions (temper) it is always easier said than done. But it can be trained and it all starts with creating self-awareness about our emotions. Having such awareness specifically denotes the importance of having a high degree of social & emotional intelligence in the discipline of management (the managing of others, whether employees, business relations or random members of our social circles).

how_to_control_your_temper_

We all know the cliché that is not so much a cliché actually but closer to a fact:

you can’t control something you do not know well

&

you cannot manage others if you can’t even manage yourself.

I try to remind myself that emotions can always choose the rational path of calm words (smart & effective communication) instead of deeds and automatic reactions (impulsive communication). But our emotional reactions are naturally faster than our rational considerations. That’s a bio-physiological fact we can’t do much about, but can only tame gradually through training and lots of practice.

Talking

If you think about it, you can always TALK about your emotions; how angry, disappointed, misunderstood, tensed, worried or impatient you are about a certain employee’s attitude or performance, instead of BARKING OUT these emotions.

But the problem of emotions control often arises when:

  1. We think that our true thought/position in a certain situation can only be fully communicated, understood & respected by others when it is accompanied by emotion.
  2. We think that others will only take us seriously when they see our emotions (which can be true by the way depending on your audience and their level of social intelligence)
  3. Talking is viewed as a sign of weakness (culturally or group-collectively) and barking as a form of strength (also, culturally or group-collectively).
  4. We are not the talking type that releases regularly and timely but the type that bottles up impressions about others until they evolve into powerful untameable emotions that erupt at once like a volcano in the most poorly-timed & destructive manner!

Coaching

Controlling emotions does not necessarily imply suppressing them, but rather channelling them to reach effective communication. That’s why a face-to-face setting is usually preferred in solving conflicts, with as less external factors as possible influencing the calm & effectiveness of communication.

Communication is best served when conducted in a rational manner based on words and voiced thoughts that describe our emotions clearly & constructively, instead of uncontrolled eruptions that describe our words and thoughts poorly & destructively.

quote-Robert-Quillen-discussion-is-an-exchange-of-knowledge-an-29277

Which one is better a discussion or an argument?

Let’s compare both and find out for ourselves.

discussion at work-openanswer

A discussion is a communication style of which the outcome is not predefined, while having “mutual understanding” as a pre-determined final goal before entering into it. A discussion is supposed to lead to the best solution of a given problem, a clarification of a misunderstanding or the best valuation of an idea, to mention some random examples.

Such “understanding” is to be reached & accepted by all engaged parties at the end of a discussion, based on healthy communication, proper exchange of ideas, information or opinions and genuine agreement (as opposed to artificial one for the sake of muting “high volumes”). It’s a collective, non-selfish & constructive process by nature (even if no outcome is reached yet).

Quote Michael P. Watson

An argument, on the other hand, is characterised by the “will to win” clearly visible through the show of interruptive emotions. An argument is less effective than a discussion in most cases but can be necessary depending on the counterpart’s openness to having a calm discussion. Having an argument is mostly the result of us being unable to suppress whatever emotion that we have at a given moment of discussing a topic, whether anger, impatience, anxiety, disappointment or sadness etc.

Paradoxically enough, having an argument at such times can be a healthy release of pent-up negativity; one that needs to be out of the way, first, for a calm discussion to take place.

work-argument-openanswer

I find arguments to be generally ineffective & counter-productive than discussions because their goal is either:

  1. Predefined: when we argue for the sake of arguing (releasing negative energy because we WANT to), OR
  2. Non-defined at all, when we argue because that’s all we can do now (releasing negative energy because we CAN’T discuss calmly)

Quote by Joseph Joubert

Therefore, enforcing an arguing style of communication is a counter-productive, selfish & unfair form of communication aimed at convincing the other party of one’s points of views, legitimizing the use of irrational communication (shouts, fictitious outrage, refusal of agreement, interruptions, unmeant disagreements, lack of self-reflection, manipulation of facts etc.).

An argument is at its best when it means “a reason given in proof or rebuttal”, only as part of a debate or a discussion and not as a way of communication.

self_motivation

If you can’t motivate yourself, nobody else will. Do you agree?

Yes, and no.

Self-motivation, when existent, is more powerful than any external motivational factor, yes. It’s no wonder that “self-motivational abilities” are often mentioned as a characteristic trait/habit of the majority of successful people.

Achieve-Greater-Success-With-a-Daily-Self-Motivating-RegimenHaving said this, I also believe that all humans experience some degree of low motivation at some stages of their lives, as a result of continuous hardships, disappointments or “bad luck”, even when they’re putting in their utmost energy and positive hope in it. In such case, the power of external motivation comes in very handy or even necessary. 

Sometimes that inspirational voice in ourselves dies out or is muted down though all kinds of factors and it does no harm in such case to call in the help of external motivators, whether professional or simply existent in our comfort zones; a good friend, a colleague or a family member. 

Tony Robbins: Why we do what we do

Motivation has become an industry of itself, with big names like Anthony Robbins inspiring millions around the world with what often sounds like common sense but nonetheless very powerful to hear repetitively. But also through world-famous platforms like TED Talks featuring people from all backgrounds and colours who share the most inspiring words that we need to hear in order to revive our desire to achieve, flourish or believe in ourselves once again.

Dan Pink: The puzzle of motivation

 

 

Team Leadership and Management

What would be your added value to your team at work?

  1. I will always try to roll up my sleeves & be far ahead to inspire and yet close enough to relate to any task my job or my team members require.
  2. Contagious perfectionist behaviour that seeks perfection without having the false hope of achieving it; one that will change under-performance into adequate performance, and average performance into excellent one!
  3. An untiring communicator, a realistic motivator and a considerate listening ear.
  4. I fall seven times and stand-up eight, and I’m strong enough to lift others up, too.
  5. A “go getter”, “yes, we can”, “there is solution for everything” mentality!
  6. I think exactly the opposite of what is said in the image below.

Team Leadership and Management

 

If you're not prepared to be wrong you'll never come up with anything original

Does education kill creativity?

I’m no teacher, but it surely is a profession close to my heart through my good experience with some excellent teachers and lecturers in the past, whose style of mind-stirring teaching was not less than fundamental to growing some of my most cherished passions, above all my passion for autodidactism (self-learning), research and analysis.

In my free time and during my 5 years of entrepreneurship, I developed this weird hobby of reading a lot about education history and futurist idea’s, in an almost daily dive into the world of knowledge and how it was transferred throughout history, transcending the chronological barriers of class, race, knowledge-level and age, and in some cases even barriers of time, geography, language & culture.

His work is a “must-know” for any modern teacher, I passionately believe. Therefore, it would be more than sufficient to refer to a true scholar and a gifted, intelligently & lamely entertaining, speaker in the field on transforming education for future generations:

 

Sir. Ken Robinson, with his all-times top TED talk with the title: “Do Schools Kill Creativity”.

 

And a wonderful animated presentation, narrated by Sir. Ken Robinson, on the same topic with title: “Changing Education Paradigms”.

Career

If you’re given a chance to choose a career for a lifetime what would it be and why?

A professional footballer! Preferably, a famous & successful one!

best footballers all time

Allow me to elaborate on my silly fantasy & non-fading youth dream.

If I were to become a successful professional footballer, a few far years ago, like the ones displayed above, I would have ruled the world. I would have done what I do best and like most while having the prospect of future financial stability and even a bit more than that (just a bit).

Like the “usual stuff”, owning my own house, car and having a solid study private fund for the education of my children (assuming I won’t be affluent enough to start an own university). But the prospect of leading a “mediocre but stable” life, was fiercely encouraged by my caring environment (you know, like yours).

Messi

Lionel Messi

Let alone the other “benign side effects” that come with professional football careers, like having good health and a perfect condition. I would also undoubtedly have had enough free time to exercise other hobby’s and even make a second career out of them like becoming a book author, or owning a record label that makes only my albums, listened to only by my family.

I would have travelled the world and learned at least 5 languages at a decent level. And off course, I would have also started my own business to unleash my entrepreneurial energy and creativity into something brilliant, useful or new. I would have started a number of non-profit organizations aimed at alleviating poverty, advancing free education or improving health conditions of the unprivileged ones among us.

Top salaries in football

If I were to become a professional footballer, I would’ve had the chance to meet  likes of Maradona, Pele, Zidane, Ronaldo (the only one) and Messi. I may have even been able to meet politicians and world and business leaders. I wouldn’t have minded the 30 seconds of fame bestowed upon me, featuring me endorsing a famous sport brand; not at all! I would’ve done it for free!

ac-milans-dutch-midfielder-clarence-seedorf-celebrates-after-scoring-during-the-serie-a-football-match-between-ac-milan-and-cesena-at-the-san-siro-stadium-in-milan-on-september-24-2011-afpgiusep-13709

Clarence Seedrof

But I also would have had the honour of meeting the likes of Clarence Seedrof, the all time best Dutch player in achievements, who built a stadium in his native-country Suriname and many other non-profit initiatives across his homeland. Or Nigel de Jong, the other Dutch player, who transformed his addiction to sport-cars into a flourishing second-career business, catering for, among others, the UAE high-affluence exclusive cars market.

 

George Weah @ AC Milan

George Weah @ AC Milan

The “worst case scenario” would’ve been achieving what Geroge Weah has achieved through professional football. The famous Liberian football player who only peaked after 29, playing for PSG in France and later AC Milan in Italy, winning the first European Best Player award for a non-European, in 1995, next to becoming FIFA’s World Player of the World.

George-Weah-college-graduation

George Weah, a degree holder in Management.

The same football player crowned his career by his pursuit of a degree at a university in Miami, USA, after his marginal defeat in the national election of Liberia to Mrs. Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, who had what he did not have back then, a degree. The former professional footballer turned active politician and country leader, earned a Masters degree in Management from Devry University in Miami in 2013.

 

George Weah Election Loss

George Weah’s Election Loss

I guess if you can become a professional football player nowadays, you truly can become anyone and achieve anything.  All you have to to do is to start kicking a ball at a younger age, aiming at… some goal!

I should have become one and pursued my very first true passion, shouldn’t I?

Is it too late?